Grumbles from the Gearbox
Golden Genitals Award.
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The Golden Genitals Award
Reporting back from a celebrity packed night last night the Grumbler is delighted to let all you ADIs and PDIs out there know that if you could not get any tickets for this free event you missed a fabulous fun packed evening. Everyone was dressed up to the nines, there was glitter, glamour and sparkle everywhere you looked and that was just the makeup on the cars in the car park.
ADIs and PDIs had travelled the length and breadth of the UK to attend and meet up, swap stories and have the catch -up of the year. There were driving test stories shared that were so tall the organisers had to raise the height of the ceiling on 2 separate occasions to let the egos have sufficient room to expand. And there was a big buzz as to who was up for which award and who would win what. You could feel the excitement in the air and the anticipation that just went on to build up over the evening to give us a fabulous night to remember.
ADIs and PDIs had travelled the length and breadth of the UK to attend and meet up, swap stories and have the catch -up of the year. There were driving test stories shared that were so tall the organisers had to raise the height of the ceiling on 2 separate occasions to let the egos have sufficient room to expand. And there was a big buzz as to who was up for which award and who would win what. You could feel the excitement in the air and the anticipation that just went on to build up over the evening to give us a fabulous night to remember.
The Golden Genital Award for poor customer service this year 2020 went too...........
Big drum roll here steadily climbing to a nice big crescendo!
Winners by a unanimous vote for the first time in the long history of the awards...
The DVSA
for its outstanding treatment and abandonment of its customers to a level never before witnessed by the selection committee despite there being numerous contenders. It has been widely acknowledged that the DVSA have gone to unparalleled lengths in its service levels this year and has swept all competition aside. Showing a new level that was previously thought to be impossible they have left everyone in their wake and stand head and shoulders above the competition. It was thought that a late runner a Mr. Cummings, currently owned by one Boris Johnson, would take the title but a late communication from the DVSA on Friday morning giving misleading and confusing information secured the nomination by a country mile.
This communication has stirred up such a level of hilarity and amusement among the awards committee members that two have been hospitalised after rupturing stomach and chest muscles during a massive outbreak of uncontrolled laughing and another had to rush off to M&S for new trousers as the current ones were rather soiled.
🙂🙂
The issuing of some truly amusing and educational tweets did add to their entry and we cite the release of a new law announced on twitter, of all places, trying to sneak this in without anyone noticing but an eagle eyed ADI Mr K.E.P Left spotted it stating that learners must now take lessons with an ADI first before having practice with a parent. This was truly revolutionary as ADIs have been campaigning for this for eons to no avail and yet the DVSA seems to have slipped it in under the net of the Covid19 crisis. Could you imagine the wild partying and merriment amongst the ADI community if that got out. There would be wild street parties across the nation and we may even see prices rise to match the hourly charge out rate for an examiner.
Great Phallus Award.
Sadly I have to announce the 'Great Phallus' award for incompetence in leadership has had to be abandoned due to the outstanding quality of the contenders nominated this year for their lacking in leadership qualities and total absence from their posts when needed.
However it was felt by the adjudicating body, after much bloodshed in the adjudicator's office, that the DVSA should get a special mention for it's outstanding contribution to ‘not being there when needed'.
It was felt that the DVSA should forthwith be known as the ECHO CHAMBER for the levels of silence heard from there. ADIs at the event last night gave a standing ovation in recognition of this award and the effort put in by the DVSA to earn it. ADIs up and down the country will, I feel sure, join me in saying well done for an outstanding absence from post the like of which has never been seen before. The lack of communication has been truly awesome and the award well deserved. We are proud of what you have achieved on behalf of our profession with so little effort.
Now the serious bit.
Obviously the 'Awards ceremony' above is a completely fictitious and imaginary event dreamed up by the Grumbler for amusement and to make ADIs smile in this really tough time. However it does have a serious point that it is trying to make.
Here in the columns of the Grumbler we have seen several attempts over the last 10 weeks to obtain information from the DVSA and all to no avail. We even had our Membership Secretary put pen to paper, or tap the keys anyway and write to all and sundry at the top table, but nothing back other than an acknowledgement and are you writing as a constituent, must save the votes!! Our President and Chair have written, with similar results, though the President seems to have a more sympathetic MP. Even the ADINJC and the DIA seem to have turned on the DVSA and are now asking harsher questions publicly as to what is going on and they have lately posted adverse comments as NASP about the DVSA's lack of response. Sadly, I'm afraid we have no idea about the MSA as we have seen nothing from them for quite a while and no longer know if they exist, which would be a shame as they were the original and biggest ADI representative body but well,...nuff said.
The point is that the DVSA have had a golden opportunity to do some fantastic customer service and client centered care here but have failed miserably
left, right and straight down the center. There are thousands, yes thousands of colleagues out there desperate for information. ADIs are no different to shopkeepers, workshops or small businesses that have premises. The ADIs premises are their vehicles, their homes where they do their planning and preparation, keep their records etc, they have overheads too and these overheads are crippling them. There has been assistance from HMG in grants for which many of us are grateful, and there are loans plus we are referred to UC, but so many do not qualify for any of these and have slipped through the net. There are PDIs who have invested hundreds of pounds in training who we may never see again and with an ageing population of ADIs, as is usual for the job, we need these younger ADIs to keep the drivers coming on to the roads to drive the taxis, busses, ambulances, deliver the food and machinery to either grow or make the food. The doctors, nurses and teachers all need us and heaven forbid, so do the politicians. The pilots to get to the planes, the drivers to their trains and the farmers to sow and harvest their fields to bring food to the marketplace. The list goes on and on.
The ADI is a crucial cog in the lifeblood of this country and we have been forgotten, or even worse ignored. This is a level of treatment that will not go away for a generation, or two. The DVSA have lost any remaining respect it had within the driver education and management industry. They are taking in fees wherever they can, or so it is alleged, and nothing, almost nothing in return other than posts that are causing confusion and tweets that can would be considered to be more like the issuings from the cuckoo. I cite a huge error from DVSA Twitter land, 'Learners must have lessons from a driving instructor before having private practice from mum and dad', this comes from our 'employers' on the DBS application form. If our 'employers' do not know the rules or issue a retraction what are we to follow? This, as we all know is total nonsense and completely untrue, yet has gone out to all and sundry with no retraction that I have seen.
Right across almost all sections of social media that we are on, there are ADIs asking for information and complaining about the lack of response from the DVSA. Associations, both local and national are being inundated with questions as to what is happening and going to happen. Nobody knows. I am sorry DVSA, this was your moment to shine, even if you had come out and said openly. "We are very sorry and we are trying to get answers for you at these trying times but we do not know for the moment". That would have earned you huge, and I do mean huge, kudos within the ADI community but all is lost, so please do not come back to us afterwards and look for any level of support or help from the ADI you left high and dry while you accepted full salaries and didn't answer questions from home.
It is important to understand that this is not aimed at the examiners and clerks at the DVSA, they frequently find out after we do, as has been pointed out in other Grumbler blogs but the senior management and chairs of varying transport committees wherever they may be found.
Thank you again for taking the time to read this and if there is anything wrong please let me know.
Thank you again for taking the time to read this and if there is anything wrong please let me know.
If you like what you see here and would like to join the AADI then click here membership is only £25pa.
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Dear dvsa,
DVSA thanks for all the recent emails,... keeping us ADIs up to date. I should like to discuss with you a few of the points that you have raised.
"It is all our fault (the ADI) that the booking system is in chaos and our fault that candidates are not turning up for the test".
how the dvsa fails its customers on a daily basis
